Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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