I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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