There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
