Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my shit smells like andre
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
