Umm I'm too high to move.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
