Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My feet surprised me
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