Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
