My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
