I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
