I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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