Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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