look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
