i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
