i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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