I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
