I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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