My friends, they love my intelligence
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
