Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
