All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
