Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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