for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think my moral compass just broke
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
