Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
