Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
