Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
