I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
