im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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