There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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