You made me cry and you don't even care
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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