i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
