Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
