spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
