i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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