The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
