I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
