Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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