dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
