Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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