Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
