Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
