I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
