my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
