Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
