tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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