there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
