How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
sex in a hospital.. check
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
