Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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