I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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