i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
