true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
