He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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