Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
