They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
