I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
